Take Charge and Carve Up the Kingdom.

Sometimes your client will struggle with you.

Fight you.

Try and dominate you.

They want the booby prize, to feel like they are in control.

You have to take charge.

Without you being powerful and being respected by your client,

You end up merely pandering,

....agreeing with everyone, "Yes, the naked Emperor does have a fine outfit".

You have to take charge and carve up the kingdom with your client.

"You sir, are in charge of implementing your thought through strategies.  That is your kingdom."

"I Sir, am in charge of helping you think clearly and making sure your actions match y our strategy and your integrity.  That is my responsibility, my kingdom and my contribution to you!"

Without seizing the power of that kingdom, what value are you adding to your clients?

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

A Coach Caveat Emptor:

A coaching client relationship is a "One Way Conversation"

The rigor of creating coaching magic requires that you 

Suspend your needs in a conversation

and place your focus on creating your client's

"Conversation with Themselves"

to high levels of resourcefulness, clarity and insight.

That's the only reason you are there!

You can't do that if you try to be a "friend". in that conversation.

By definition, a friendship is where a two way conversation flows.

If you have done a good job with your client as a coach;

all they are left with is themselves, at a much higher level than before being with you.

When I do my Best Work with my clients,

I am invisible, I'm not there for them - I have simply disappeared from their attention, because I have allowed all their attention to be on their own thinking.

That's the only reason you are there as a coach.  Expect more and you will pollute the process.

If you want a Friendship with a client outside of the session,

Be prepared to be brutal and rigorous when you are in the coaching session,

for your expectations and your needs will make it harder for you to coach.

But the risk for you is;

always that you will know a lot about them

...and that feels like a friendship,

but alas, they will know very little about you

and probably not care to know much more than what they do.

This lesson I share with you has been learnt the hard way.

Ouch!  It hurts.
 
This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

The Story of the man who faced his Monster and unelashed the Man within.

The man looked into the mirror and didn’t see himself – he only saw a monster, a cheat and a waste of space – he only felt disgust as he saw himself, avoiding his gaze from inside the mirror.

And yet, he knew that wasn’t how his close friends saw him. You know, the friends who saw past his shunning tactics. The real friends. You see, they saw him for the good, kind, thoughtful and mostly inspiring human being that he really was. They saw his compassion, his love of God and mankind and his commitment for making a difference to whoever came his way.

But every now and then, he was like a beast with a horn. He tore all those who reached out for him. In his mind, he was trying to protect them from the monster he thought he really was.

Because he thought he was really a monster, he thought he didn’t deserve anything. That’s why, time and time again in his life, when victory was in his hands, he would stuff it up, waste it away and generally avoid any form of success or gain in his life. 

To his friends, it was like he didn’t care for the good things in life like security, comfort or fulfilment. He thought because he didn’t deserve it, that it should go to someone else, more deserving. He was passed over for promotion, he lost or donated money to all the wrong causes, he consistently put himself in a position of disadvantage.

Not only that, he put his family in that position as well. All the sweetness was being drained from his relationship with his wife as he went about “protecting” her from the monster that he really was in his own mind.

 But one day something happened that would change his life forever.

It was just like any normal morning. He got up from bed before his wife and went to the bathroom.

For some reason, he would never know why, he made eye contact with the man in the mirror.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that for a long time.” Said the man in the mirror.

He drew back – stunned: “W-w-ho are you? W-w-what are you doing?” he cried out.

“I’m who you really are – I reflect back to you every day who you are, but you are never interested. You only look at me to shave your face, comb your hair or simply make yourself look presentable. You never look at me to see how you are going!”

“That’s great – now if you don’t mind, I’m getting out of here!” he said angrily, turning to leave.

“Wait!” the man in the mirror commanded. “Don’t you want to know what I have to tell you?”

He half turned saying “This is not natural – this is freaky – what would people think if I started talking to you anyway?”

“But that’s what’s so special about this conversation – you see, it doesn’t matter what people think when there’s just you and me – that way you can just be yourself – and you don’t get to be that often do you?” said the man in the mirror pleading with his eyes for the man to stay.

“Okay” the man said. “But only if I can shut & lock the door”

“Done!” said the man in the mirror – “lets get this talk happening!”

“You see,” he said as the man came back and faced the mirror for the first time, “Every time you look at me, all you ever see is a monster – someone you have to protect people from, someone you don’t trust, don’t like and don’t want anyone else to know about – Your monster is your dirty little secret.”

The man looked down. “You are right.” he said, “I am a monster and I don’t want anyone to get hurt by me.”

“Yes, you do know that don’t you” said the man in the mirror. “And that’s what I’d like to talk to you about.”

“You see, you have felt like this for much of your life. You have carried it around with you like a burden and you have pushed your friends and your success away from yourself, feeling like you deserved neither love nor success. When did this start for you?” the man in the mirror asked caringly.

“It was a long time ago, I was a little boy at school, the teachers were bad to me, they treated me like I was worthless, they knew I could succeed, but they thought they had to be hard on me. I made a vow to myself that I would show them. I would make my life a failure and blame them for it. I was so angry and frustrated by them. I believed them that I was worthless and I started to feel like a monster. I think one of them even called me a little monster.” He related, tears welling up in his eyes and with lips quivering he cried out: “It just wasn’t fair!”

The man in the mirror listened carefully and allowed the man to express his tears and emotion before he spoke again.

“You are not a monster, you never have been one. You only think you are a monster because you made a decision when you were a little boy. And that decision has influenced your life from then right up to now. And it will continue to shape your life if you don’t take charge and responsibility for how you think about yourself.”

He continued. “You don’t have to see yourself as a monster. You are in charge of how you see yourself. You have successfully chosen to see yourself as a monster for all of your life – you can easily choose something else to see yourself as. Why not see yourself as a Hero – making a difference to people, enriching their lives. You could even see yourself as a good person, doing good, thinking good and making good things happen. It’s up to you.”

The man was thinking. “So you are saying, that I can say who I am…and that that in itself can help me be that way?” he asked.

“Exactly – you are catching on quick! But seriously, how do you want to be in your life?” the man in the mirror asked.

 

“Well, I like what you said about being a contribution to everyone, enriching their lives..” he said “..and I really want to be God’s representative on earth, bringing people closer to their true purpose here.”

“Well said!” the man in the mirror exclaimed “- and what else do you want?”

“I want to be a loving and fun husband for my wife and a happy and fulfilled father of my children..”

“Go on!”

“I want to be a success at my work, be a great and supportive friend and I want to be there for my family.”

“Fantastic! And I’m here to help you do that!” said the man in the mirror.

“How can you help me?” demanded the man.

“All you have to do is tune into me – look at me and look for how you are going. Look at how you are feeling. Look at whether you are inspired by your life ….or disinterested in what’s going on. You will see it if you look for it. And you can count on me to remind you when you start going on about you being a monster and all that other nonsense! I’ll help you! Just look in the mirror every day and acknowledge yourself. You can even talk to me and listen for an answer – simply keep eye contact throughout the process.”

“…and by the way, this doesn’t have to be hard. It’s really easy in fact. You don’t have to strive to be what you want to be. All you have to do is let go of the things that are stopping you being that. Look in the mirror every day and take your handbrake off. Simple.”

“Well thank you for this!” said the man, looking lighter and even a bit taller since the conversation. “What can I do for you?” he said, looking for a catch.

“All I’m asking is for you to reach out and be who you really are – that will be my reward.” Said the man in the mirror. “You are who you think you are….”

There was a knock on the door and it was time to go.

“Thank you!” said the man before he opened the door to his new life.

“Who were you talking to?” asked his wife looking around the room.

“Just talking to myself for a change!” he smiled, knowing everything had changed forever since he listened to the man in the mirror.

 This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Beleiving in your client especially when they have stopped believing in themselves.

This is where the rubber hit's the road for both coach and client.

As the client, you need honest and sincere believe and lots of it.

If your coach can't give it to you, then run like the wind.  

A coach who doesn't believe in you becomes a nag and tries to whip you along your path for you, instead of treating you with respect for your own power to produce your results. 

Find a coach who believes in you.

As a coach, you can't fake it.

You either believe in someone or you don't.

....and if you don't, it's time to set your client free and find someone you do believe in.

There is no "I" in the word coach.  Your client's needs come first.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

There are two "I's" in the word Integrity

Your integrity is your word, both in the public and the private domain.

The word means wholeness. 

And in that wholeness is the maxim: "What you see is what you get."

Everybody's integrity is different.

That's because we are all different.

But it's the Transparancy, the trust that's generated when you know what to expect from someone - that you know that they will keep their word. 

That who they say they are, that they are indeed that.

Somehow that's your challenge.

How to accurately depict yourself, your business and your projects in terms of who you are.

Not how you think you are and you actually aren't....but who you really are and that that's obvious by your actions, thoughts and results.

There are two "I's" in Integrity. 

One is about who you are and the other "I" is about who you are in the world.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Zen in Your Processes

 There's an old Zen saying that goes like this:

"First there is a mountain. Then there is no mountain. Then there is"

This saying has always hinted at and described to me a process, an adventure that you take yourself on.  A journey of self discovery that opens your eyes, frees you from your constraints and dramatically improves the quality of your life.

Here's how I see it working in the coaching process:

 

First you see yourself without making any distinctions. 

You are unexamined, undistinguished and simply being you 

and your current level of constraints and freedom.    

Mountains are just mountains.

Then you make the distinctions and you start working with them.  

You start seeing things that were un-see-able before.  

You start having conversations with your disowned selves that

 result in understanding, forgiveness, love and completion. 

Mountains are not mountains.

Then suddenly, your distinctions collapse, your disowned selves 

integrate with your whole. New freedoms, powers and possibilities 

are now present and accessible. You are whole and complete again.....but with a difference only you can know.   

Mountains are mountains again.

  Illustration by Kelley L. Ross, Ph.D

 This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity at addsvalue.blogspot.com.au  Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Solidarity

It's where everyone in a group, supports everyone else.

It's where each member of the team is backed up by everyone else.

When anyone makes a decision, then everyone is behind them.

Its a form of unity, that takes communication and commitment to form and support.

What can you do to grow and support solidarity in your team today?

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Giving yourself Credit

You know, it's okay to give yourself credit,

to measure your progress,

to celebrate your achievements....

even though you are so tough on yourself and

tough on what qualifies to be given credit to.

Go on!

Give yourself the credit!

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

How can you think resourcefully?

Well, that's the question.

Especially when you find yourself:

• Being overwhelmed by your work at the coal face of your business
• By being overworked and having no left over time or energy to think clearly
• Getting left behind by your customer behaviors and values
• Not staying ahead of, keeping up with or generating change in your industry
• Not having a team of people to support you in implementing your business
• Worrying about all of this and losing sleep

 This is what I suggest.

• Take a regular time out to plan and reflect
• Set quarterly goals
• Clarify your vision, values and what you do best in your business
• Force yourself to take regular holidays and breaks during your year
• Have someone with ruthless compassion and the courage to tell you the truth to keep you accountable
• Regularly celebrate your achievements
• Regularly exercise
• Eat and supplement well
• Spend more quality time with the people you love and care about.

 ..........Over to you.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Think For Yourself.

Tom Searcy, author of How To Close a Deal Like Warren Buffett captured this little beauty:


Warren Way #98.
 Think for yourself.
"My idea of a group decision 
is to look in the mirror."

That's where most of our best decisions come from. 

You might want to try talking to the person in the mirror instead of simply primping and preening yourself.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Coversations You Don't Want to Have with Yourself.

Every internal pain and disturbance comes from a conversation we aren't willing to have with ourselves.

When you take the time to listen to your jostling, contradictory, feisty, and competing selves,

When you realise that each one of you is part of your whole,

Your pains release, your behavior aligns, your love and tolerance of others get's unleashed,

You start to Be | Do | Have what you have come here for. 

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Just who do you think you are?

Well, you probably are much greater and larger than whatever

Your wildest version in your head of who you are.

You can probably never come near to how great thou really are,

That's what we often use God for, to make who we are more manageable,

To make life simpler and to make us easier to live with.

Truth is, your being has such magnificance, the human will never, ever know.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Celebration is a coaching competency

That's right.

A coach needs to celebrate everything.

Even the not-so-good stuff.

You celebrate everything - YES!

But when it's time to celebrate a WIN,

You need to bring the whistles and bells to the party,

You need to create some NOISE.

.....and you need to do it timely too.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

The goals your client's can't face

Sometimes dear coaches,

You will find someone who sits with you,

Who sets some inspiring goals,

Then who walks away and you find yourself

Being avoided, your calls unanswered,

Your texts unacknowledged and your client

Doesn’t want to know about their own  goals,

Their goals, who you hold in your arms like unwanted babies,

Who you care for with their very existence at stake,

And yet their mothers shun their very existence.

Is it fear?

 

Is it self loathing?

Whatever it is, for their sake, their baby’s sake and your own,

you need to meet with them again, 

Let them hold their baby and hear it’s cry for life...

And let them be responsible,

For whether this potential future, lives or dies.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

We all need analogies and heroic stories.....

 Life is lived best in epic style.

When the pressure is on, look to the classics of literature, legend and art.

Mahler, Shakespeare, the Greek Pantheon, the Mahabharata, the Bible, the Koran.

Epic, epic Epic!

(In fact, epic even looks strange spelt without a capitol "E" or an expllanation mark somewhere close.

We need this input, we need to elevate ourselves, we need to find comfort and inspiration in the giganticean acts and qualities of the Gods and Goddesses, the Heros and Heroines.

Now, if you don't need this stiff medicine, you might want to reconsider how, and in which arena, you are playing your life.

As Helen Keller said: "Life is a daring adventure....or nothing at all!"

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Never, ever want your client's goal more than they do.

This is true for anyone who is supporting someone to achieve a goal.

If you want them to achieve their goal more than they do, it's not really their goal you are careing about.

....and it's not really yours either.

If you find yourself in this position, it's a dangerous place to be.

All you can do is help them find what inspired them to set their goal in the first place.

Or, if that has moved, to find out where the inspiration has moved to or if it has died along the way.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

The Top Players don't make the Best Coaches

Would you want one of these to be your coach?

That's what Rose told me today.

She's a sports coach (Netball) who is avidly following the brilliant show - The Voice  (Australia).

The four 'coaches' have been chosen for their fame and success on the stage, not for their coaching skills.

But in this reality game show, they are competing with each other with their abilities to coach and mentor the best out of their teams.  We shall see how they go with this. 

They are all giving lip service to how inspiring their teams are.  Let's see how true that is. Undoubtedly great performers on stage are mostly faking it.  Our beings can smell authenticity in our coaches and like a horse, won't drink the water you lead it to..

There are three international artists with big pulling power - it has been recently publicized that one judge, Delta was getting paid way less than the three big boys.

However, Rose informed me that it was Delta's team who gave the best performances.

We don't get to see the authentic process of the coaching on the screen.  We do however, get to see some excellent feedback from all of the coaches.

But how true is it, that if you are a star and you are in a position to coach someone to their best form, the first big obstacle is your own clinging to be the center of attention. 

Your own "Star" persona and sense of importance is the first thing for you to overcome.  You only become a "great coach" when you stop trying to be a great coach and start focusing on your "great client", seeing and being inspired by their greatness - becoming their greatest fan!.

Delta is the underdog and is simply working harder with the people she has been given. Her focus is on her team's greatness.

Watch closely as the stars learn how to be coaches!

What are you learning from this amazing show?

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

DEFINITION OF COACHABLE:

Someone
who is committed
to their own development,
who is hungry for feedback from others
and open to anything that may improve themselves.

Email Mike...

AddsValue Coaching Services.

What does an AddsValue Coach do for you?

Helps you Focus Keeps you Accountable Helps you see through New eyes Acknowledges You Unleashes your Genius Challenges You Stretches You Helps you find your Strength Questions You Facilitates Resourceful Thinking Allows you to be Flexible Creates Resourceful States of Emotion Helps You Discover Your Courage Helps You Discover Meaning Helps You Live Your Purpose Facilitates Honesty & Openness Facilitates Your Transformation Puts your Values First Sharpens your Communication Gives you Clarity Helps you find the way to Achieve your Goals Facilitates Transforming Communication & Relationships in People Around You Helps you Share the Benefits of Your Learning Helps You Open up to New Possibilities Helps you Prioritise Leads You to Your Own Solutions Gives You Powerful Feedback Leads You to Self Acceptance Helps you Create Balance Helps you Manage Change Cleverly Helps you create Freedom Encourages Boldness. Helps you find your inner Leader Helps you Develop Amazing Solutions Banks Your Learning Helps you Deal with What's Happening Right Now & Enlightens you They Think About Your Goals for You They Believe In You They Hold Your Vision They Manage Your Plan

Do you want more of this in your life, your business or your projects?

If you you do, contact us and arrange a personal goal setting session.

It will take around an hour and a half, you can do it by phone or Skype and you will set three Inspiring goals for yourself, you will find out what the process is and how it works and you'll see if there is a good fit between you and your coach.

Oh yes - and it won't cost you a cent!

We look forward to hearing from you!
021 335 908

The Power of Downloading Negativity.

There is good value in expressing the not so good stuff that you are feeling and dumping it.

It's actually a really healthy thing for you to do - to download all the negativity so you can start creating positive possiblity.

You can dump it in an email, a letter, in your workbook, your diary or you might even find yourself dumping it in a conversation with someone….

Now this last way of dumping can have some complications, especially if the person you are dumping on doesn’t realize what you are doing.

They might think that you are overwhelmed by these feelings and either try and help you through it or even get upset in reaction to it.

Generally speaking, if you really listen to someone’s dump, and they feel listened to, they are able to move on to what’s happening in the here and now.

When you are talking with someone and they start being upset - let them be upset. Don’t take it personally, just listen to them actively – show them you are interested and that you really want to understand how They feel.

Keep asking “Is there anything else you are upset about?” ….and listen some more if there is more to listen to…until their answer is: “No, that’s about it.”

That's a great sign that they can now operate in the here and now. Its a good opportunity to communicate openly and honestly.

If another upset comes up, simply repeat the process.