The Story of the man who faced his Monster and unelashed the Man within.

The man looked into the mirror and didn’t see himself – he only saw a monster, a cheat and a waste of space – he only felt disgust as he saw himself, avoiding his gaze from inside the mirror.

And yet, he knew that wasn’t how his close friends saw him. You know, the friends who saw past his shunning tactics. The real friends. You see, they saw him for the good, kind, thoughtful and mostly inspiring human being that he really was. They saw his compassion, his love of God and mankind and his commitment for making a difference to whoever came his way.

But every now and then, he was like a beast with a horn. He tore all those who reached out for him. In his mind, he was trying to protect them from the monster he thought he really was.

Because he thought he was really a monster, he thought he didn’t deserve anything. That’s why, time and time again in his life, when victory was in his hands, he would stuff it up, waste it away and generally avoid any form of success or gain in his life. 

To his friends, it was like he didn’t care for the good things in life like security, comfort or fulfilment. He thought because he didn’t deserve it, that it should go to someone else, more deserving. He was passed over for promotion, he lost or donated money to all the wrong causes, he consistently put himself in a position of disadvantage.

Not only that, he put his family in that position as well. All the sweetness was being drained from his relationship with his wife as he went about “protecting” her from the monster that he really was in his own mind.

 But one day something happened that would change his life forever.

It was just like any normal morning. He got up from bed before his wife and went to the bathroom.

For some reason, he would never know why, he made eye contact with the man in the mirror.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that for a long time.” Said the man in the mirror.

He drew back – stunned: “W-w-ho are you? W-w-what are you doing?” he cried out.

“I’m who you really are – I reflect back to you every day who you are, but you are never interested. You only look at me to shave your face, comb your hair or simply make yourself look presentable. You never look at me to see how you are going!”

“That’s great – now if you don’t mind, I’m getting out of here!” he said angrily, turning to leave.

“Wait!” the man in the mirror commanded. “Don’t you want to know what I have to tell you?”

He half turned saying “This is not natural – this is freaky – what would people think if I started talking to you anyway?”

“But that’s what’s so special about this conversation – you see, it doesn’t matter what people think when there’s just you and me – that way you can just be yourself – and you don’t get to be that often do you?” said the man in the mirror pleading with his eyes for the man to stay.

“Okay” the man said. “But only if I can shut & lock the door”

“Done!” said the man in the mirror – “lets get this talk happening!”

“You see,” he said as the man came back and faced the mirror for the first time, “Every time you look at me, all you ever see is a monster – someone you have to protect people from, someone you don’t trust, don’t like and don’t want anyone else to know about – Your monster is your dirty little secret.”

The man looked down. “You are right.” he said, “I am a monster and I don’t want anyone to get hurt by me.”

“Yes, you do know that don’t you” said the man in the mirror. “And that’s what I’d like to talk to you about.”

“You see, you have felt like this for much of your life. You have carried it around with you like a burden and you have pushed your friends and your success away from yourself, feeling like you deserved neither love nor success. When did this start for you?” the man in the mirror asked caringly.

“It was a long time ago, I was a little boy at school, the teachers were bad to me, they treated me like I was worthless, they knew I could succeed, but they thought they had to be hard on me. I made a vow to myself that I would show them. I would make my life a failure and blame them for it. I was so angry and frustrated by them. I believed them that I was worthless and I started to feel like a monster. I think one of them even called me a little monster.” He related, tears welling up in his eyes and with lips quivering he cried out: “It just wasn’t fair!”

The man in the mirror listened carefully and allowed the man to express his tears and emotion before he spoke again.

“You are not a monster, you never have been one. You only think you are a monster because you made a decision when you were a little boy. And that decision has influenced your life from then right up to now. And it will continue to shape your life if you don’t take charge and responsibility for how you think about yourself.”

He continued. “You don’t have to see yourself as a monster. You are in charge of how you see yourself. You have successfully chosen to see yourself as a monster for all of your life – you can easily choose something else to see yourself as. Why not see yourself as a Hero – making a difference to people, enriching their lives. You could even see yourself as a good person, doing good, thinking good and making good things happen. It’s up to you.”

The man was thinking. “So you are saying, that I can say who I am…and that that in itself can help me be that way?” he asked.

“Exactly – you are catching on quick! But seriously, how do you want to be in your life?” the man in the mirror asked.

 

“Well, I like what you said about being a contribution to everyone, enriching their lives..” he said “..and I really want to be God’s representative on earth, bringing people closer to their true purpose here.”

“Well said!” the man in the mirror exclaimed “- and what else do you want?”

“I want to be a loving and fun husband for my wife and a happy and fulfilled father of my children..”

“Go on!”

“I want to be a success at my work, be a great and supportive friend and I want to be there for my family.”

“Fantastic! And I’m here to help you do that!” said the man in the mirror.

“How can you help me?” demanded the man.

“All you have to do is tune into me – look at me and look for how you are going. Look at how you are feeling. Look at whether you are inspired by your life ….or disinterested in what’s going on. You will see it if you look for it. And you can count on me to remind you when you start going on about you being a monster and all that other nonsense! I’ll help you! Just look in the mirror every day and acknowledge yourself. You can even talk to me and listen for an answer – simply keep eye contact throughout the process.”

“…and by the way, this doesn’t have to be hard. It’s really easy in fact. You don’t have to strive to be what you want to be. All you have to do is let go of the things that are stopping you being that. Look in the mirror every day and take your handbrake off. Simple.”

“Well thank you for this!” said the man, looking lighter and even a bit taller since the conversation. “What can I do for you?” he said, looking for a catch.

“All I’m asking is for you to reach out and be who you really are – that will be my reward.” Said the man in the mirror. “You are who you think you are….”

There was a knock on the door and it was time to go.

“Thank you!” said the man before he opened the door to his new life.

“Who were you talking to?” asked his wife looking around the room.

“Just talking to myself for a change!” he smiled, knowing everything had changed forever since he listened to the man in the mirror.

 This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Coversations You Don't Want to Have with Yourself.

Every internal pain and disturbance comes from a conversation we aren't willing to have with ourselves.

When you take the time to listen to your jostling, contradictory, feisty, and competing selves,

When you realise that each one of you is part of your whole,

Your pains release, your behavior aligns, your love and tolerance of others get's unleashed,

You start to Be | Do | Have what you have come here for. 

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

What's the difference?

 What's the difference between someone with any limitation or condition, who doesn't know they have that limitation or condition,

and, 

Someone who has that same limitation or condition, who knows they have that limit or condition?

The answer is always: choice.

The former has no choice.

The latter has choice.

and choice allows you to generate possibilities.

You see that in Alcoholic's Anonymous meetings,

Where the statement: "...and I'm an alcoholic!" 

Allows broken spirits to stand tall and try again, by telling the grimy truth about it all

We see that in the special Olympics,

Where you witness the miracle of someone with no arms,

 winning a freestyle swimming race,


Awareness is the first step to transcendence of the situation or condition.

What can you be aware of in your present circumstances and endeavors,

That can enable you to have choice?

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Time for some Self Care

And after years of neglecting yourself,

sitting yourself in a corner and feeding you bread and water....

While you busied yourself convincing the world,

that everything was under control on your watch.

That you were in charge, you knew the score, and that scowl on your face,

was for the world and definitely was not a cry for help.....

When you finally let it in, the truth of it all,

and the tears and the angst finally flowed,

When you admit it was all a sham and that really it had been a hollow victory....

....all along.

Then the real work begins, not with effort and toil from you,

but a gentle unfolding, like a flower in bloom....

Insight leads to insight, unraveling your twisted work,

Softly you become what you always have been....

Naked to yourself and in the sun, you say:

"I used to be different, but now I'm the same."

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

The reality about being off-course

 High Expectations of yourself,

Can lead you into overwhelm, (....and you don't want that!)

Especially if you judge yourself for being off course,

.....even just a little bit off course.

People forget that the first flight to the moon,

the rocket was off-course 98% of the time....

They were making continuous adjustments all the way to the moon...

and then they landed a man on the moon.  Goal achieved.

Being off course is simply natural.

Getting back on course is an act of will.

Beating yourself up about being off course is a waste of time.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

When you are feeling tired, lost or like you are going nowhere,

Time to remind yourself of who you are, what you stand for and where you are going.

You'll find the answers to this in your values, how you value your skills and if you have written one, in your vision.

Nothing like realising that you are off track or even violating your values and your purpose.

That awareness, in itself, will sort most of the tiredness you may be experiencing.

It may even help you see what you need to do with your current circumstances.

Let me know if you get stuck.

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

What your inner child wants you to know:

Hey - I really like you!

You are the coolest person I know and I just want to hang out with you.

You are so cool.

I wish you wouldn't push me away, deny that I exist and shut me down.

We could have such fun together.

We could do so many things that you would really love to do, if you'd only get out of your own way.

I know you think I'm bad news, that people might think you are uncool if they knew you were with me and that something could go wrong or get broken if you spent some time with me.

But that's only because I get so frustrated with you - the way you treat me and the way you ignore me. I can only take so much...and then I lash out.

I know you know I exist - otherwise why would you even read something about me? You have already opened the door to me - things will be so good when you get over your fears about me.

All I really want to do is to hang out with you....and for you to get to know me.

- C'mon, let's play!

This is only the beginning. Get to know clarity. Email me, Mike Kennedy...

Huge Loss to Poland! - Was it Preventable?

The Polish national and international community has united in grief to mourn the tragic death of Poland’s president Lech Kaczynski.

Mr Kaczynski and his wife, Maria, were killed in a plane crash on Saturday along with dozens of senior figures from the Polish government and military.

Among the dead were Poland’s army chief of staff, the navy chief commander and heads of the air and land forces, central bank governor, MPs and leading historians.

Many are questioning why the government allowed so many important, valuable and senior figures to all travel on the one plane. This is a significant loss of Polish brains trust.

If you are an investor, it's foolish for you to put all your eggs in one basket...
If you are a business owner, it's unwise to have all your income come from one source....
If you are married and in love, it's crazy to cut off all your friends and family and focus on the one....
If you are single, putting all your efforts in one club puts you at a disadvantage....
If you are learning at a school, you limit yourself if you only read the recommended texts....
If you have a family and only relate to one or two of your relatives, you are missing out on part of who you are....

But we all do it - put all our winnings and bet it on one horse. How can we take responsibility for the risks of life and protect our valuable assets?

What can you learn from this tragedy?

What areas of your life are you having all your eggs in one basket?

What can you do to spread the risk?

- that's it from me, Mike Kennedy,
Want to work with me? Email Mike...

Don't take a trip on the "Midnight Special"!

Ever wake up in the middle of the night because you remembered something?

Then, instead of feeling grateful you remembered whatever it was, you start thinking about everything else you have to do the next morning?

And while you are thinking about that, you start feeling sorry for yourself - "I just work too hard!"


And then you start feeding some worry or some negativity and you are laying in a dark room staring at a ceiling, filling your mind up with worry, fear and insecurity?


This is called "The Midnight Special".


It's a train journey to nowhere - it's something that us humans jump onto rather than nipping it in the bud - it starts off slow and easy, but it builds up momentun and before you know it, it's racing down the track, with you feeling like your life is full of insecurity and fear and that there's no hope left in your life....



...now this might be just how you feel.

And this just might look like the truth to you.

But how come, when you are in a good mood, that the same set of circumstances look managable, maybe even look full of hope and fun?

You can nip a journey on the Midnight Special in the bud, by simply writing down on a pad next to your bed, what it was that you remembered and then practicing grattitude and counting your blessings, gently move yourself back to sleep.

Be careful of the Midnight Special - it's a ride you can't really afford to take!



Email Mike...

Being Sharp!

Personal Sharpness - seeing things clearly, being able to cut to the important stuff.

Being able to quickly focus, make clever distinctions and then make intelligent decisions which then allows you to plan and implement precise economical actions.

It’s about being quick witted, intelligent, astute, clever, incisive and on the ball!

Being onto it - ahead of your game, outside of the drama, able to work through things logically and in line with your values.

We all need to improve our sharpness every day in some way.

What supports our sharpness?

Our health is paramount, our fitness has a huge impact, letting our intellectual nourishment slip has dire consequences, as does letting slip our body's nourishment.

Our relationships need to be conducted and experienced at a high level, our business affairs always need to be impeccable. Our spirit need to be at peace, our work needs to be full of meaning and our heart needs to be full of love.

Sounds like a lot?

It is.

Does it all need to be neatly packaged, box's ticked and everything packed away?

I don't think so.

It's always a work in progress, a balance that needs to be struck, with new skills to be learnt, forever finding more stuff to clean up and more efficient ways of doing things.

You can have this be daunting or you can step up to it every day with a song in your heart. For the true reward of maintaining sharpness lies in the practice of doing truly extraordinary work, having rich relationships and living a life that you love.

It's Important for You to Know What a Pyrrhic Victory is.

A Pyrrhic victory is a victory with devastating cost to the victor. The phrase is an allusion to King Pyrrhus of Epirus, whose army suffered irreplaceable casualties in defeating the Romans at Heraclea in 280 BC and Asculum in 279 BC during the Pyrrhic War.

After the latter battle, Plutarch relates in a report by Dionysiss:
The armies separated; and, it is said, Pyrrhus replied to one that gave him joy of his victory that one more such victory would utterly undo him. For he had lost a great part of the forces he brought with him, and almost all his particular friends and principal commanders; there were no others there to make recruits, and he found the confederates in Italy backward.

On the other hand, as from a fountain continually flowing out of the city, the Roman camp was quickly and plentifully filled up with fresh men, not at all abating in courage for the loss they sustained, but even from their very anger gaining new force and resolution to go on with the war.

In both of Pyrrhus's victories, the Romans lost more men than Pyrrhus did. However, the Romans had a much larger supply of men from which to draw soldiers, so their losses did less damage to their war effort than Pyrrhus's losses did to his.

The report is often quoted as "Another such victory over the Romans and we are undone, or "If we are victorious in one more battle with the Romans, we shall be utterly ruined."

While it is most closely associated with a military battle, the term is used by analogy in fields such as business, politics, law, literature, and sport to describe any similar struggle which is ruinous for the victor.

What Pyrrhic victories are looming in your life?

What are the things that motivate you to spend your time and resources to win such hollow victories?

Are you engaging in any such campaigns in your life right now or in your future?

Have you calculated the cost and evaluated whether it's worth it all?

Can you avoid these campaigns or change you focus to some endeavor that will feed, fulfill and benefit you rather than drain you?

Winning a Pyrrhic victory is the booby prize!

The experience of Ubuntu!

Today Michelle Robin introduces us to a very special Zulu word:

Ubuntu n. humaneness; humanity human nature human race civic spirit; public spirit; sense of solidarity character; one's real self

It appeared to me to describe a great quality of being.

Something many of us have lost in our society's current focus and social values.

Our self - centered focus, our broken down families and toxic work environments.

Something that people with coaches seem to develop naturally.

Something that's really worthwhile.

Something that creates quality environments for us to grow and fulfil ourselves in......

How does your life reflect these qualities? What would your life be like if you did?

Listen now to Nelson Mandela explaining the Experience of Ubuntu:

Know Yourself!

Jim Rohn has this neat list of questions to ask yourself.

Funny how it's the questions we ask ourselves that make the difference in our lives rather than the answers we find!

What makes your life worthwhile?
What makes life work well?
What is your economic plan?
Where do you want to go?
What do you want to see?
What income do you want?
Where do you want to live?
How do you feel about yourself?
What should you get done from a day from now? A week?
How much money have you saved?
How many books have you read?
How many classes have you taken?
Who are the people around you?
What are they doing to you? Is that okay with you?

The Bucket List.....Say what you need to say!

The list of things to do ...before you kick the bucket.

So how about acknowledgement?

When you kick the bucket is about the only time a lot of people in this world ever get acknowledged - people stand around and talk about who they were - what qualities they had, what they had achieved and what they had given to others.

But it's too late then!

- You missed the opportunity to acknowledge them! .......You might have even missed the opportunity of being acknowledged!

The good news about this?

People who acknowledge others, usually get acknowledged by others.

I get mad about this - most people think that if they acknowledged someone, they would be giving them a "swollen head" - and that's their reason for withholding acknowledgement.

They don't even know that an acknowledgement is not a compliment.

An acknowledgement is not stuck in the box with the walls of Good/Bad, Right/Wrong, or Better Than/Less Than.

It's simply what is so!

An acknowledgement is: "You have blond hair"

A compliment is: "You have the most beautiful blond hair I have ever seen!"

A compliment has a hook - it's a thinly concealed manipulation.

An acknowledgment has no aim to influence you other than to give you credit for who you are, what you have done, what qualities you are showing, what you look like - etc, etc...

So stop being stingy with your acknowledgments - let everyone you know, know that you notice them, that you can see them and appreciate them, by giving them an acknowledgment.

How do you acknowledge someone?

You can start by saying: "I acknowledge you for..." and when you say this, your eyes need to be on them and nowhere else, for that is where you will find what to acknowledge them for. Focus on them and acknowledge them.

Give them the acknowledgement gift that might even be the only acknowledgment they may have had for a long, long time.

Practice this daily and you will soon be saying what you need to say.

That's When You Find Yourself!

- Hey there!

- You know who you are!

You're the one who has transformed your life...

.....when it looked like everything was going wrong...

And you did it...

....with a simple conversation.....by embracing "What's so" in your life and ending up with "So what!" - a liberation too sweet to talk about!

By being honest with yourself for the first time in a long time!

By facing up to your fears and discovering they were paper tigers all along..

By being honest about what's really, really important to you in your life!

By seeing what and who it is that you love....

By listening to your coach and listening to yourself....

Please know that we love you and we celebrate your wins in your minds and your lives and your new possibilities!

Please also know you can count on us to continue to support you in creating and living a life that you love!

Rules for Fighting Fair!

A lot of my clients really want to transform their arguments into positive and productive, if not heated, discussions....especially with their spouses!

This tool has been useful in providing an agreement that gives boundaries and distinctions. This can really keep a fight focused on productive and positive results! It gives a context where you can cry foul and focus on modelling resourceful behaviour.

RULES FOR FIGHTING FAIR:
I will attack the issue not the person
I will not resort to name calling
I will take responsibility for my actions
I will not blame you
I will look for a win/win solution
I will stick to what we are arguing about
I will not bring up any past event – my focus is on the issue I will listen to what you say and wait my turn to speak
I will not react violently to you – you are safe to argue with me
I will be responsible for my emotions
I will acknowledge how I feel
I will be honest with myself and you
I will not withhold information, lie or mislead you

Additional rules you might want to add:





Good luck and have a good productive argument!

I found this really amazing Christian perspective on this subject!:

Changing your strategy to be resourceful

Image.

It is the Face we give the world, it is the Identity we create and our
Strategy of Survival we use to Protect Ourselves with.
It is our Persona, our Mask, the way we Control life.
It is not who we are, although we often forget that.

So, if you are strongly identifying with your Image, you are
probably labouring under a False Assumption,
an assumption that underlies all of your thinking,
that Influences your “logic” and Creates your Reality.

For example, if your strategy involves you seeing yourself as being “Nice”, then you might want to consider that all manner of Atrocities against individuals and humanity have also been committed by people,
convinced of their own innate “Nice-ness” .....just like you.

And if around you, people are feeling Hurt, Disrespected and like there is a Dagger in their back, you might want to check, that even if the knife belonged to someone else, the finger prints on it, could belong to you…..

You know; you were there, you were the one who was talking to them at the time, you may even have some legitimate unexpressed grievance……

This may be true, and, if it is - you would want to know about it…..wouldn’t you?

And what if they were your prints? And what if you have been unconsciously doing this stuff, without even knowing? What can you do about it?

You can take responsibility for your actions, take charge
of your unconscious motivations.
You can choose a more resourceful way of dealing with your feelings.
You could look to creating a fantastic future, and let go of the past….
It’s like waking up, taking charge and moving forward……It’s all up to you.