A lot of my clients really want to transform their arguments into positive and productive, if not heated, discussions....especially with their spouses!This tool has been useful in providing an agreement that gives boundaries and distinctions. This can really keep a fight focused on productive and positive results! It gives a context where you can cry foul and focus on modelling resourceful behaviour.
RULES FOR FIGHTING FAIR:
I will attack the issue not the person
I will not resort to name calling
I will take responsibility for my actions
I will not blame you
I will look for a win/win solution
I will stick to what we are arguing about
I will not bring up any past event – my focus is on the issue I will listen to what you say and wait my turn to speak
I will not react violently to you – you are safe to argue with me
I will be responsible for my emotions
I will acknowledge how I feel
I will be honest with myself and you
I will not withhold information, lie or mislead you
Additional rules you might want to add:
Good luck and have a good productive argument!
I found this really amazing Christian perspective on this subject!:
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