Support Vs Rescue: Lesson 7:

The Rescuers Hall of Fame:

The Glory Hound
This is your archetypal Knight in shining armor - they see the "damsel" in distress - (it doesn't have to ever be a damsel - just anyone who is looking like they aren't doing the job the way the Glory Hound thinks it should be done) and in they ride, typically saying "Stand Back!  Get out of my way.  Let someone who knows what they are doing get this job done!" or some version of that.

The job gets done, the actual standard isn't that important to the Glory Hound, it's all about how good they look coming in for the rescue.  The collateral damage is done to all the people around them, who get to feel helpless and are left wondering why they should bother in the first place.

The Information Hoarder
You can never win with this guy/gal.  They will give you just enough information to get you started and then when you get stuck and ask them for help, they will say: "What's the matter with you?  I gave you everything you needed, and you just cant get it done.  Stand back.  Get out of my way. Let someone who knows what they are doing get this job done!" or some version of that. 

Everyone around this person gets to feel incompetent and that they simply can't understand the task at hand. 

This always makes the Information Hoarder stand out and look extra valuable.  When in actual fact, they are holding back the team enormously.

The Agony Aunt with an Agenda
Look out for this one.  Just because she's an Aunt, doesn't mean she comes in the form of a woman.  This is someone who lulls you into a feeling of safety and gets you to share your weaknesses with her.

Then, when the time is right and you are working on your weakness, especially when you are in public view, the Aunt will let you know why she has Agony in her name.  And you will feel this.

Oftentimes with no real excuse to butt in, she will come into your space with a loud: "What's the matter with you? Stand back!  Get out of my way. Let someone who knows what they are doing get this job done!" or some version of that.

You will be publicly humiliated,  she will look like a hero and the undermining work of a rescuer will have been done.

The Toxic Coach
 What sad excuse of a coach would ever stoop to such low behavior?

This specimen is really the archetypal wolf in sheep's clothing.  They operate under the guise of empowering you and looking for your best solutions.  You trust them and start to trust yourself, feeling like if they can believe in you, anything is possible.

Then one day, you are entering into a task (most often this happens to be in an area of the coach's expertise), you make a little learning mistake, the gloves come off, the wolf leaps out from the sheep's skin and they yell "What's the matter with you? Stand back!  Get out of my way. Let someone who knows what they are doing get this job done!" or some version of that:

The job indeed gets done.  It usually gets done well.  The coach will be putting their gloves back on and their sheep skin back over their body, usually saying something trite like: "Now you know how it's done, doesn't that feel good?"

Your bruised and battered self looks up at this monster who had betrayed your trust and treated you like an idiot. You begin to feel a rage, pumping itself up through your veins.  You say:

"You've got to be kidding! What kind of coaching was that? You have just lost all credibility with me.  How dare you behave like that.  Get out of here!"

....and its true.  When you realise someone is trying to rescue you, you know it's always at your expense.  Know this and you can deal with it.


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