Insights about taking rejection and hurt from one meeting into another......

If you are a sales person,

you probably will understand this.

Let's say you have a meeting with a prospective client and it doesn't go well.

The client says no and maybe even says something that makes you feel rejected. .....even hurt.

And let's just say, that you don't do anything about acknowledging that, or getting closure on that deal and you are putting off following up that client.....

Are you with me?

And how about you go into your next meeting and surprise surprise, there is some reluctance to make a decision right then and there and you walk out of that meeting wondering why they didn't sign.....

And how about your calls - all of them seem really hard to make and when you do, there's no interest? Your hit rate is terrible?

Is this sounding familiar?

Truth is, if you don't somehow get closure on that meeting that gave you the experience of being hurt and rejected, you will take that pain and rejection with you to every meeting and every call that you do, until the memory of that pain and rejection diminishes.

Until you are clear about whether or not that client is moving forward, so that you can either write up a successful deal or close the book on that client, your self confidence and self esteem will be much lower than usual.

And people you call and people you meet with can smell that.

Eau de low self esteem, eau de low confidence.....eau de desperation!

.....you know the smell.

How does that fragrance affect you when you smell that on someone who is trying to sell you something?


You see, the moment you decide to put off closure on a deal when you feel rejected, because you fear getting rejected again.....is the moment that you choose long, numb suffering over short, sharp suffering.

....and the cost of that choice is that all of your interactions will be infected with the low self esteem and low self confidence generated by that feeling of rejection.

.....and you won't even notice that's what you are doing. Denial has kicked in and you sit around wondering where your mojo has gone!

That explains why some high performers create amazing results one month and have a lousy next month. They are simply getting over the rejection that it took to have a great month.

Which is why it pays you to have some support for yourself and some structure around dealing with rejection straight after it happens.

Now you might have some great strategies and practices around this and if you do, please share them with me - I'd be grateful for that.

But here's a couple of things I think you could do:
  1. Create some Closure as soon as you come out of a meeting where you got a no or a not yet or a "go away you are a bad person"....and you were feeling rejected. Firstly make sure that the client really doesn't want what you have under any circumstances (sometimes we reject ourselves way before our clients do!) and if they don't, then close the book on them. You might even want to do something symbolic to mark this event. The Jews have this ritual of getting a light bulb, put it into a sock, put it on the ground and stamp your foot on it breaking the bulb - it signifies a change of state.
  2. Develop a regular practice that affirms you, that builds your confidence and esteem daily. Visualisation practice could do this. I'm using a mirror work process where I talk to the guy in the mirror every day and night. Some people can do this with sport or exercise. Some people do this with hobbies. Just do something and you will become more Resilient.
I just think that noticing whether you have closure on upsetting meetings or phone calls is a great start. - Especially if you get closure as soon as possible on those meetings.

But do something.

Awareness without action won't allow you to create the same results as when you are on fire and in your Mojo!

Email Mike...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

wow mike I am sure you wrote this about me and my state at the moment. Thanks for that it really has helped me put closure on two deals that have held me back from providing clients a world class experience.